As for the sweet nothings, well, I'm not sold on that either. Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that I understand the words, making them less exotic and thus losing their sex appeal, but I think the technique is the main issue.
There seem to be a few different pick up approaches that Argentine men use. I'm not saying these are the only ones, I'm sure there are plenty of worthy Argentine males who are much classier than the men I'm about to describe, but I am a Creepster Magnet, and these are the types of pick ups I am exposed to each and every day.
The Louder the Better Guy
"Hola, linda!" (hello, pretty girl)
"CHE, LINDA! HOLA!" (HEY, PRETTY GIRL! HI!)
"MI AMOR, COMO TE VA?" (MY LOVE, HOW'S IT GOING?)
Oh, Louder the Better Guy, you just can't take a hint, can you? I heard you the first 3 times you called out to me in such an abrupt manner. I was trying to be polite and simply pretend my headphones blocked you out, but you just had to keep on yelling, didn't you? Yeah, I heard you and no, I don't plan on responding to your poorly thought out greeting.
The Dog Wrangler
"Chi chi!"
"Chichichi!"
(Insert whistling and other weird noises used to wrangle dogs)
Really, dude? Really? I know making weird whispering sounds involving "ch"s works on dogs, but it turns out I am a human being. My instincts are a tad more advanced than a canine, so those weird noses are both incredibly annoying and wildly offensive. What exactly do you expect, that I will come bounding toward you like a loyal animal? Save your wrangling skills for your dog walking job and keep your distance.
The Hit and Run
This involves a guy whole walks past you, usually at quickened pace, and quietly mutters something like:
"Que linda que sos" (How beautiful you are)
"Que belleza" (What beauty)
"Que hermosa" (How beautiful)
Now, on their own those seem like pretty nice compliments. However, when they are being whispered in your ear as an unknown man rushes past you, it it more likely to send a chill up your spine than give you butterflies in your stomach.
The Horny Old Man
To be fair, these exist everywhere, but they seem to be a lot more verbal here. These men usually spring up while I'm out for a run. As I sprint past them, sweaty and in work out clothes, they yell out things like:
"Mira que cuerpo" (look, what a body)"
"Hola, mi amor!" (hello, my love!)
"Hermosa" (Beautiful!) *Usually said with a snake-like hiss on the S, upping creepiness about 50%.
The Honk-Happy Driver
These guys don't even bother with words, they just show their enthusiasm by blowing their horn at you, repeatedly. You might think you are about to be hit by a bus, but no, some douche bag driver just thinks you are hot and has decided to show this sentiment by laying on that horn as if his favourite soccer team just won the World Cup.
So, if you're wondering why I have not taken an Argentine lover, now you know.
"Hola, linda!" (hello, pretty girl)
"CHE, LINDA! HOLA!" (HEY, PRETTY GIRL! HI!)
"MI AMOR, COMO TE VA?" (MY LOVE, HOW'S IT GOING?)
Oh, Louder the Better Guy, you just can't take a hint, can you? I heard you the first 3 times you called out to me in such an abrupt manner. I was trying to be polite and simply pretend my headphones blocked you out, but you just had to keep on yelling, didn't you? Yeah, I heard you and no, I don't plan on responding to your poorly thought out greeting.
The Dog Wrangler
"Chi chi!"
"Chichichi!"
(Insert whistling and other weird noises used to wrangle dogs)
Really, dude? Really? I know making weird whispering sounds involving "ch"s works on dogs, but it turns out I am a human being. My instincts are a tad more advanced than a canine, so those weird noses are both incredibly annoying and wildly offensive. What exactly do you expect, that I will come bounding toward you like a loyal animal? Save your wrangling skills for your dog walking job and keep your distance.
The Hit and Run
This involves a guy whole walks past you, usually at quickened pace, and quietly mutters something like:
"Que linda que sos" (How beautiful you are)
"Que belleza" (What beauty)
"Que hermosa" (How beautiful)
Now, on their own those seem like pretty nice compliments. However, when they are being whispered in your ear as an unknown man rushes past you, it it more likely to send a chill up your spine than give you butterflies in your stomach.
The Horny Old Man
To be fair, these exist everywhere, but they seem to be a lot more verbal here. These men usually spring up while I'm out for a run. As I sprint past them, sweaty and in work out clothes, they yell out things like:
"Mira que cuerpo" (look, what a body)"
"Hola, mi amor!" (hello, my love!)
"Hermosa" (Beautiful!) *Usually said with a snake-like hiss on the S, upping creepiness about 50%.
The Honk-Happy Driver
These guys don't even bother with words, they just show their enthusiasm by blowing their horn at you, repeatedly. You might think you are about to be hit by a bus, but no, some douche bag driver just thinks you are hot and has decided to show this sentiment by laying on that horn as if his favourite soccer team just won the World Cup.
So, if you're wondering why I have not taken an Argentine lover, now you know.
I only get the old men, how do I find these young men!
ReplyDeletebahahahahahahahaah!!!!
ReplyDeletethank god i have a belgian!
I HATE those that hit and run!! It scares the hell out of me. Specially because they are already walking so fast, then walk to come nearer to you, I start to think they want to grab my purse and run but NO, their head leans over even closer, just to whisper! argh! Maybe I have a distance issue but that's too much.
ReplyDeleteThedog wrangler is the most usual one here in the Canary Islands. They don't dare to tell you anything nice, just prefer to call you like a dog. My wonder is, what the heck are you supposed to answer to that? with a "whouf"?
This is the most perfectly written, all-compassing take on the men of Latin America. I have been in Argentina for a month and experienced ALL of these types.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the early morning laugh. Your picture of rat-tail dude with fanny pack under his arm is priceless.
Hahaha Thank you girls! I'm sorry we all have to share this unfortunate truth, but at least we can laugh about it together.
ReplyDeleteI love it Rease! Funny, entertaining and true... Especially the honk-happy driver! That is one thing I DO NOT miss from home... I hated it growing up, in my teens and even now when I go back as a mom with kids, a little overweight... they always have a comment for you, they cannot just shut it up!!! I hope you are having a great time down there beside these encounters.
ReplyDeleteStop lying! I know for us girls it's difficult to say that we're single, but I'm a beautiful German woman, and have met lots of several handsome and classy men. Typical US people, generalising...all Mexican are...illegals, black people are...this...Jews are...that, blah blah blah. Change your "I'm a US Celebrity" attitude because you're really far from being one. You don't look like Angelina Jolie or Sharon Stone...so wake up and smell the coffee. OR go back to US where men are so "classy". By the way, my argie boyfriend's hair doesn't look like that. Change your Fox News-like reports. That three dirty low lives have that stupid haircut doesn't mean that the whole country is rude, gross or anything.
ReplyDeleteWoman, judging by the pictures you should get anything that communicates with you, or it'll be too late. Cheers ;)
ReplyDelete"The Honk-Happy Driver"
ReplyDeleteOH COME ON!!! This is almost universal. Even Seinfeld has a stand up comedy reference to this...
Here it is:
/////
Women, they're so subtle, their little.. everything they do is subtle.. men are not subtle, we are obvious. Women know what men want, men know what men want, what do we want? We want women, that's it! It's the only thing we know for sure, it really is: we want women. How do we get them? Oh, we don't know 'bout that, we don't know. The next step after that we have no idea. This is why you see men honking car-horns, yelling from construction sites. These are the best ideas we've had so far.. The car-horn-honk, is that a beauty? Have you seen men doing this? What is this? The man is in the car, the woman walks by the front of the car, he honks. This man is out of ideas. I mean what is he expecting? For the woman to stop and say "Hey you honked at me .. Ahhhh that's so sweet .. I never knew you felt this way!"?
The amazing thing is, that we still get women, don't we. Men, I mean, men are with women. You see men with women. How are men getting women, many people wonder. Let me tell you a little bit about our organization. Where ever women are, we have a man working on the situation right now. Now, he may not be our best man, OK, we have a lot of areas to cover, but someone from our staff is on the scene. That's why, I think, men get frustrated, when we see women reading articles, like: "Where to meet men?". We're here, we are everywhere. We're honking our horns to serve you better.
/////
FC
SECOND: "Now, on their own those seem like pretty nice compliments. However, when they are being whispered in your ear as an unknown man rushes past you, it it more likely to send a chill up your spine than give you butterflies in your stomach."
ReplyDeleteIt' s called a piropo.
The Argentine art of flirting
http://www.salon.com/1999/05/07/argentina/
So, "when in Rome, do as the Romans do". :-P
FC
PS: If you didn't get a "te parto al medio", you' re not smoking hot and sexy enough. :-P
PS2: I landed into your blog by googling "la puta que te pario", and ending up in your post http://reasekirchner.blogspot.com.ar/2010/07/correo-argentina-la-puta-que-te-pario.html , go figure... yeah, the magic of Google.
german schlumpe go back to the bosques of palermo stfu
ReplyDelete