Dear Fitness Fakers

I went for a run today, as I often do, and found myself annoyed by the amount of Fitness Fakers I saw or nearly ran into. It was frustrating enough to inspire a rant.

Dear Fitness Fakers,

I hate to break it to you, but buying the fanciest workout clothes money can buy is not going to get you in shape. Your ass is just as wide in those Nike capris as they are in your jeans, perhaps wider. Also, I can see your thong, and anyone wearing a thong is clearly not planning on completing a legitimate workout. Furthermore, the latest Reebok running shoes are not going to enhance your slow trot enough to burn the calories as actually running.

I know the fitness trail is a great place to people watch but perhaps you could do that from the sidelines instead of zig-zagging slowly in front of me. Yes, I know, all those hot athletes are less likely to see you all dolled up in your cute workout shorts paired with hoop earrings and mask of make-up, but all of us that are using the fitness trail for well, fitness, sure would appreciate the extra space.

I know your cell phone is glued to your ear, but I think my labored breathing is loud enough to give you a hint of my approach. I especially appreciate when glance back at me just to give me a nice, long look over with a crinkled face only to turn back around, continue to block my way and perhaps even roll your eyes at my appearance. Yes, I am sweaty, and no, I did not bother to slip on any lip gloss.

No, Fitness Faker, do not mind me. I will simply take a detour around a tree to avoid you. You can continue to chat away while you waddle through the park in your fashionista workout gear, you work that look while you can. I'll see you tonight when I'm showered and toned while you sip on a 400 calorie drink and complain about your cellulite.

Sincerely,
A girl who is isn't afraid to sweat.